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The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the category “Australia”

Samsung’s Swan Song

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Yesterday, your pet/baby/inanimate object could read your post. Today, they can write back. Write a post from their point of view (or just pick any non-verbal creature/object)- Daily Prompt

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I asked you to get me cyber fame,

But you went on to denigrate my name;

Thought I wouldn’t read your blog?

 Idiocy, your brain must clog,

Literate for a day, I read all you had to say.

 

Through your misuse, I am now battered,

My cell heart is now nearly shattered;

Take better care of me to have the charge last longer,

Or, get me a heart transplant with a battery stronger;

It won’t be free, you’ll need to dish out some cash.

 

I know you don’t have much left in your wallet,

It complains when we sit, squashed in your pocket;

About your phone credit, please stop moaning,

Use it wisely, and talk less when roaming;

And for chats with your neighbour, can’t you just walk next door?

 

Beautiful models would certainly entice you,

But bring one home and you’ll soon rue;

Their touch screens won’t like your rough finger stroke,

Texting won’t be easy, the way you poke,

And to use all their apps, you’ won’t have a clue.

 

You are better off with me if you keep me happy,

Stop dropping me on the hard floor, handle me gently;

Don’t sit on me or sleep on me, recharge and keep my energy high;

With a good clean, I would even be pleasing to the eye

And I do hope this is not the swan song of this Samsung!

 

Samsung concluded: “Whatever be the case, whether you stick with me or go after one of those other beauties, please be kind to your vocal chords. It isn’t that you have to shout ‘Hello’ and talk at the top of your voice to make the other person, your next door neighbour or someone overseas, hear you.”

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P’s woes with customs! Lest he forgets…

New PictureNew Picture (3)From Adelaide to Auckland on his flight, P stopped over in Melbourne;

He ate his lunch of sandwiches, but the pear was left alone

In his bag obliviously, the pear flew to the city of sails

There at the airport before customs, P stood biting out his nails:

He had forgotten all about the uneaten, neglected pear

And failed to mention the fruit in his customs questionnaire;

Though not jailed, he had to pay a hefty sum as fine!

So now in transit P never takes fruits with him to dine.

Lest he forgets………..

 

 

 

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If you would ask Mr P to mention some scary things he has done in his life, he would say it was passing through customs and immigration and border security at the various international airports during his travels. No matter how many times he had done this during his frequent travels, he was a nervous wreck as he passed through these checks. 

Every time, he felt that the officers who checked his passport and looked into his eyes were trying to read his deepest secrets and did not like what they saw! Under their piercing scrutiny, just the thought of the Tylenol and Paracetamol tablets he carried for headaches, made him feel as though he was carrying something illegal. Whenever they asked him about the purpose of his travel, he felt that they believed he had some evil plans. This made P so nervous that his replies often came out in a squeaky voice. P would struggle to correct his voice to their next question and it would then come out as a hoarse grunt. Suffice to say that all this combined with his fidgeting made him appear as a suspicious character. So, very often he was subjected to strong scrutiny and checking.  Often he was asked to remove his shoes and he was pat-checked. Then at the airport there were those sniffer dogs. After that incident on his travel to New Zealand when he had to pay a fine of NZ$ 200 for carrying a forgotten pear in his bag from the lunch at Melbourne, he was very careful. He understood how much New Zealand customs hated plant material……… in the luggage. So he had made sure that he was not carrying any plant material to that country. Yet on one travel, this little sniffer dog had hounded him and the customs officer had detained him and thoroughly checked his bags before the problem was identified as some residual smell from the bananas he used to carry for lunch in his briefcase to work. Until he was allowed to proceed, he had felt that every eye in the airport was on him, scornfully wondering what drugs he was carrying in his bags! 

P had been deeply embarrassed by this incident and so bought a brand new “American Tourister” bag from Wal-Mart to carry as cabin bag on his next trip. On reaching Auckland airport, Mr P rested his new bag on the floor and was in the process of collecting his checked in luggage from the conveyor belt when a sniffer dog came a-sniffing at his bag! “Not again!” thought Mr P as the customs officer followed and started examining his bag. The officer started questioning Mr P on the contents and kept asking if Mr P had any fruits in the bag within the past few days. “No, Never”, he replied. “Just to avoid this situation I left at home my regular briefcase in which I take my lunch to work. This is a brand new bag that I bought just yesterday!”

“Ah! That explains it!” said the officer. “Sometimes this sniffer dog falsely alerts to the smell of new bags!” 

P stood agape! “One can never win with immigration, customs and border security!” he realised. “You could not avoid suspicion if you traveled with your old fruity smelling bag. Can you not travel with a new one either? Life was tough.”

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In Transit

Who said silence is golden?……

interview1“Why do you think you are the best person for this job?” asked the chairperson of the interview panel.

Mr P fidgeted in his seat. He looked at his interrogator and the other three people on the interview panel.

They had their eyes trained on him waiting for his reply.

Mr P could feel his hands becoming clammy. He was sweating and nervous. His mind had become totally blank and he could not find anything in response.

He was very tired after the long drive from Adelaide to Horsham near Melbourne. While driving he had been going over and over again the probable questions and apt answers in his mind.

The night before as well, he had stayed up late studying the position description and the selection criteria for the job. He had believed that he was very well prepared to face the toughest job interviews and was all smiles when he walked in to face the interview board. One factor in the selection criteria was about being a good team player and Mr P wanted to present himself as a very jovial fellow.

After the introductions however, the bonhomie had started slowly dissolving as question after question was put to Mr P without getting a response. It seemed as though the cat had got his tongue.

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“Surely, you have the right qualifications….” one kind looking lady in the panel prodded as if to give him a cue.

Only able to nod his head, Mr P remained tongue-tied.

“And your experience is very strong and relevant….” prodded the lady again.

Continuing to nod, Mr P grabbed the glass of water on the table and took a few gulps.

As if unable to bear Mr P’s embarrassment, the panel members now had their eyes fixed on their notepads on the table.

After gulping the water down Mr P cleared his throat and everybody in the interview panel looked up at Mr P eagerly and expectantly waiting to hear something they thought he was about to say. However, he only smiled back at them.

“Do you have any questions regarding the position?” the chairperson asked.

“Yes, nothing was mentioned in the job advertisement about the salary. May I know what salary I can expect?” asked Mr P in his stentorian voice.

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                                                                                                What is the pay like?????

Only Mr P’s eager heartbeat could be heard in the deep silence in the room for a long time!

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