The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the tag “Bean”

He Bunks Work with a ‘tummy bug’ and drinks Moose Drool..…..!

A Long Island Iced Tea in the traditional high...

It was Wednesday and Mr P  was already feeling very weary and tired of work. He felt like leaving work early and he badly wanted to go somewhere like Cubby’s Sports Bar and Grill to relax. He knew that to get a nice place to sit at Cubby’s, he had to be there early before the other office goers hit the place. Leaving work early was quite a habit for Mr P. In fact it had become so much of a routine to him that he had exhausted all the excuses for obtaining permission to leave early. He did not like to bunk work and go without permission after that incident when he had sneaked off one afternoon on the sly and on the way out had walked into his boss who was returning from a meeting.

Mr P thought over all the excuses he had used recently and the list included 1) headache 2) tooth ache 3) toe ache 4) sore eyes  5) nose bleed 6) itches and bites 7) chills 8) dentist’s appointment 9) doctor’s appointment 10) receiving parcels and postal order deliveries couriered to his home address 11) Sister’s, brother’s, uncle’s, aunt’s, niece’s and nephew’s weddings 12) Grandma’s and Grandpa’s funerals 13) hospital visits to see sick parents, friends, cousins and all sorts of relatives 14) appointments with the cable and internet services guy, plumber, electrician and exterminator. He noted that there were not that many stomach aches in the excuses he had used. So he decided to have a“tummy bug”.

He saw his boss in his office and told him about this excruciating stomach pain he was having from something he must have eaten the previous night. He said he just wanted to go home and curl up in his bed. His bedroom had an en-suite and attached toilet. With the readily and hastily given permission, Mr P slunk off from work and drove straight to “Cubby’s Sports Bar and Grill”. There, he found himself a nice little niche from where he could watch the football on TV and he congratulated himself for having beaten the rush. He lounged on the Cubby seat and ordered Nachos, fried chicken and sweet potato fries with a Caesar salad. To wash the food down, he ordered some ‘Michelob Golden Light’ (definitely not something off the Alaskan gold mines). He ate and drank and watched the games on the TV and later ordered some ‘Moose Drool’ (definitely not that liquid trickling down the jaws of that big North American animal Alces alces, also known as the Elk in Eurasia).

 Time just seemed to fly at Cubby’s. (Not at all like at work where it seemed to take ages for the clock to strike five and one could go home.) Mr P had finished his food, the ‘Michelob Golden Light’ and the ‘Moose Drool’ and was nursing a tall glass of ‘Long Island Iced Tea’ (certainly not liquid black tea from Long Island with ice cubes floating on top) when he called the waitress over and ordered a Mexicali Burger.

 He had to raise his voice because of the din with all the blaring TVs and the chatter of the people. Then he saw from the seats across that were now occupied, two glaring eyes watching him. Mr P could never mistake those eyes. They sent a shiver down his spine even with the fortifications from the Michelob Gold, the Moose Drool and the Long Island Iced Tea. And they were not even in his boss’s office then! No matter where, even at cool Cubby’s, those eyes looking at him with displeasure covered him in cold sweat! How could he explain the sudden disappearance of his “tummy bug”?

Funny Travel Incidents: Culture Shock and the travails of travel by an Avatar of Mr Bean!

What would it be like if you were a travelling companion to Mr Bean? Just imagine all the hilarious scrapes you could get into! My friend had this experience of travelling from New Zealand to USA with someone who seemed to be a mix of the veritable Mr Bean and Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame. This Avatar was called Mr P and let me settle your doubts right now… the P is not the short form for Pea! Wondering who exactly this Mr P is? Well, he could be any one, even you…

When stacking his luggage in the overhead compartment of the aeroplane, Mr P showed immense anxiety trying to check his bags were safe and that no one had stolen them. Every now and then he would jump up from his seat and check his luggage. This got the stewardess pretty worried and suspicious. Especially as this was a flight to the USA! Things settled down only after Mr P suddenly fell asleep. The snoring then started which drowned all the noises in the plane!

Mr P was very absentminded too! At the Los Angeles International Airport, he followed my friend as she walked into the ladies’ restroom, used the ladies’ restroom and walked out surprising an elderly woman who was just entering through its doors. She was so shocked and almost turned around believing that she had made a mistake. When she looked up and saw the sign that said it was indeed the ladies’, she glared at him and said loudly, “Gosh! This is the ladies’ restroom!” That is when my friend walked out of the cabinet that she had been using and the elderly passenger looked at her suspiciously. My friend was very embarrassed and managed to walk away pretending that she did not know Mr P. But who should they see again when they reached their boarding gate and was waiting together for the boarding call? The same elderly passenger who sat opposite and kept on giving strange glaring looks at my friend!

No wonder Mr P was so worried about his luggage on the trip from New Zealand to Los Angeles. Losing bags and suitcases during travel was a regular habit of Mr P. There were many incidents when he had to take a taxi and chase a bus or train that had left with his luggage which was blissfully forgotten while exiting! One could forgive him for that. But walking off with somebody else’s bags by mistake is something else again! Poor Mr P suffered much embarrassment as a consequence!

At the airports, the baggage collection points looked as though a tornado had been through there after Mr P had collected all his bags. He used to chase bag after bag, that was not his, on the conveyor belt, tripping over trolleys and other passengers. Mr P got into so much trouble that he travelled with big bright yellow ribbons attached to the handles of his bags to help him identify his luggage easily. They were indeed an eyesore! Mr P had drummed it into his head that he would only collect bags with the yellow ribbons.

But even with all this careful tagging and ribboning up, he still managed to lose his luggage. Somehow his checked in bags lost the identifying ribbons. It could be that Mr P had only stuck those ribbon bows onto the suitcase handles with Blu-Tack. Or someone must have disliked them too much!

And Mr P came out of the airport with an empty trolley! Remember?.. He was not supposed to pick up the bags without the ribbons!

The sum of all this was that my friend said she would prefer Mr Bean as a travel companion to Mr P anytime!

For more adventures/misadventures of Mr P please visit:


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