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The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the tag “list”

Done with resolutions…

P found resolutions easy to make,

A list was just a piece of cake:

Some things to do to save the universe

And some to serve his health and purse

 

The list was long but he culled with clout,

Chiselled and chopped the hard ones out;

He finished with an easy five from the lot

But even with those, he lost the plot……

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Looking at the Daily Prompt, P was reminded of the list of New Year resolutions he made for 2017. There were many he could have listed out but there was one thing that had been ruled out from the beginning because circumstances had already made him form a good habit of NOT placing plastic containers of oil on the top of his electric cooking range. That is another long story, but for now, coming back to the topic of New Year resolutions, P finally had made a list of five which he believed he had to follow to ensure his good health and well-being.

He had resolved  

  • to turn off all the lights and not just the ones in his bedroom, before going to sleep
  • to give up the habit of sleeping in and begin to get up early in the morning everyday
  • to go for a brisk walk or jog  before breakfast everyday
  • to give up the habit of eating sweets and ice creams

and

  • not to spend too much time snacking and slacking before the TV

Having made these very important resolutions, P had gone to the beach to join the celebrations for the New Year’s eve and had a nice time dancing.

P enjoyed the fireworks as the clock struck twelve and then had eaten a big slice of the cake to welcome in the New Year. After another hour or two of crushing people’s toes and jabbing people in their backs and tummies with his elbows (P dancing), he had returned home and  had gone to sleep. 

It was nearly noon when he woke up the next day and remembered his resolutions.  He looked at the clock and realized he had broken one already. He made his way to the bathroom and then to the kitchen, noticing that all the lights had been left on. His excuse to himself was that having arrived home very tired, he had hit the bed straight away. P usually arrived home very tired in the evenings, New Year or otherwise.

While making his cup of tea, P realised that it was too late in the day and probably too hot to go walking or jogging. So he warmed food from the fridge, sat down with his crosswords and ate a large brunch.

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As he was wiping his plate clean, he felt a strong pull from the fridge… He remembered he had eaten a piece of cake after midnight and that was already into the New Year. “What was the point of abstaining now when he had already broken the pact?” he argued with himself. “A resolution once broken is a broken resolution… Like Humpty Dumpty, it couldn’t be put together again.” He walked to the refrigerator, opened the freezer door, saw the French Vanilla and lost the battle.

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Once he had finished his ice cream, he felt pleased with himself. He looked out through the window. It was a beautiful day…. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the flowers were dancing in the garden, butterflies were flitting and all was right with P’s world…He grabbed some Burger Rings to munch and sat down on the sofa with a sigh, stretched his legs comfortably and turned on the TV.

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What a to-do! He was done with resolutions…

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To-do? Done

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P becomes Listless… despite having a list

To-Do? Done!: Quickly list five things you’d like to change in your life. Now, write a post about a day in your life once all five have been crossed off your to-do list.-Daily Prompt

(Linking one of my earlier posts here. The list I’m afraid is more than five!)

 

P was looking at the Daily Post week-end writing challenge and it was about lists. It gave him a great idea! He could make a list of things to do and not to do so that he could get to the interview on time the next day morning. In P’s quirky life, he found it very hard to be on time anywhere, any time.

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P firmly believed that this was not because of his fault. Despite striving his level best to be punctual, fate and nature seemed to be conspiring against him.The list of these conspiracies kept on increasing:

1)      There were incidents where his alarm clock gave up after he repeatedly pressed the snooze button and had left him sleeping blissfully till noon even when he had an early morning appointment.

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2)      There were times when the can of tea powder would turn up empty, or there would be no milk in the fridge, when he dragged himself up from bed to get his first cup of tea. He had to rush to the corner shop or supermarket to get these items. Can you blame P if his constitution was such that he could come alive only after his cup of tea in the morning? Can you blame him again when at the shops, he decided to buy other things that were running low in the kitchen? And can you blame him if it took more than the expected time as he checked the prices and searched for the cheapest items on sale? Naturally he would be late if he had not slotted the time for ‘grocery shopping’ in his morning activities prior to leaving for an appointment.

3)      His attire also used to give him plenty of trouble. Finding the right apparel from his wardrobe was always a time-consuming task….. especially when he was dressing up to go to some important function and changed his mind several times on what to wear. Who could blame P for wanting to look his best?

4)      Many a time, his clothes for the day had been forgotten on the clothesline after washing and it would have rained in the night leaving them soaking wet. He would then have to throw them in the dryer and iron them. P only could shake his head at nature’s vagaries.

5)      Even the lowly socks seemed to have it in for Mr P. Many a time his well laid plans to be punctual were trounced by the hunt for a matching pair.

6)      Then, there were all those times when he believed that he had eaten well or was not hungry till he was about to leave for some appointment and all of a sudden, pangs of hunger would claw at his entrails. He then had to stop and eat something, upsetting the time schedule.

7)      Also, his car keys would disappear at the last moment, and he would spend valuable minutes hunting for it everywhere only to find it hiding beneath some papers on the table or sometimes even in his pockets!

8)      Talking about keys, his house keys also had their days of vanishing act, throwing him into a turmoil. Very often he would find them still stuck in the key hole of the door forgotten to be pulled out after entering the house the previous night.

9)      Sometimes it would be the turn for his glasses to play hide and seek, and waste his time. They were often retrieved from beneath the bed where he had fallen asleep watching TV, or sometimes in the car.

10)   When his wallet became untraceable, P used to become very desperate. He could not go out without it as it contained his driver licence, cash and cards.  Frantic searches have often unearthed it from shopping bags he had brought home from the supermarkets, if not from under the car seat, sofa, top of the fridge and so on….

11)   There were occasions when he could locate his wallet but was thrown into a panic as he could not find his bank cards within the wallet. The mere thought of all his money being siphoned out by some fraudster, used to get him so worried that he would spend precious time ringing up the bank and credit card companies, cancelling his card only to find it later in his wallet, secreted in one of its small pockets or concealed by some slips from the supermarket check-outs.

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The list could go on and on, but for now, P was making a list of things to do to help him get to the interview on time. This interview was important and it was at 9 am, which was the time he usually turned his alarm off and snuggled deeper under the covers in his bed. He also did not want to turn up too early for the interview. “Ten minutes before the interview is ideal” he remembered reading somewhere.

So P grabbed pen and paper and made his list:

1)      The interview was at 9 am so he planned to get up very early…… He noted to set his wake-up alarm as early as 8.30 am.

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2)      He decided to choose his attire for the next day and have the clothes laid out on the ironing board.

3)      Pressing his shirt and pants for the interview would take some time, P guessed. He mulled a bit on whether he should finish this job today, but then, it was such a nice evening and P was just not in the mood. He decided that as soon as he woke up the next day, he would spend not more than 5 minutes and iron out all those creases.

4)      Not to be outdone by his socks the next day, he decided to find a suitable matching pair and have them lying at the top of his bedside drawer.

5)      He decided to do away with his morning shave as it could save him some ten minutes. Moreover, didn’t the faint undergrowth on the chin and cheeks help in giving him an intellectual look?

6)      Usually his morning showers ranged anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour. He decided to reduce the time of his short morning shower to 5 minutes the next day morning.

7)      The time spent in front of the mirror sprucing and grooming was to be cut short from half an hour to 5 minutes.

8)      He decided to locate his car key, house key, glasses, wallet and cards and place them together on the dining table so that he would not waste any time looking for them.

9)      Skipping his usual elaborate breakfast, P decided to have an Up & Go on his drive to the  interview. He had estimated the drive to be 10 minutes. Even though he would not be able to reach the venue 10 minutes earlier than the scheduled time, he assessed that he would be able to reach there at least 5 minutes in advance.

10)   He decided to go to bed early, rather than stay late into the night watching movies and late night shows, so that he would not hit the snooze button when the alarm went off the next day morning.

 

P followed everything as per the list and exactly at 8.45 am the next morning, he hurriedly grabbed his brief case and his UP&GO, stepped out of the house and shut the self locking front door behind him.

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He put his hand inside his pocket for the car key………………….

 

 

The UP&GO  and briefcase fell from his listless hand as the image of the cards and the car key still lying on top of the dining table flashed through his mind…………………along with the key to the front door of the house which was now auto-locked.

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List Lesson

To Do? Done

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