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The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the tag “mobile phone”

Oversight

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The sound of the notification of a message arriving on his mobile phone woke up P from his afternoon nap. As soon as P read the first line in the message on his phone with his blurry eyes, he shut it down. He was scared that a virus that could be sent along with the SMS could destroy his phone. P rushed out with it to his friend and neighbour and told him about the spam message soliciting him for something, the mere mention of which made him blush and stutter.

“Now, be honest with me. Have you been browsing any of those naughty, no good websites?” asked his neighbour eyeing P in what P felt was a very suspicious way.

“No! Never! All I use my data on the phone is to download spirituality stuff. I really don’t know who could be sending me such a message” responded P. His conscience was clear but P couldn’t help feeling he had guilt written all over his red face.

“Let me have a look” said the neighbour and P bravely turned the phone on and scrolled to the message section and handed it to him like a hot potato.

His friend opened up the latest message on P’s phone and started to chuckle as he read it.

“What a dirty mind you have P!” he said. “The message reads “Get it laid this weekend” and you probably missed the second word “it” in the sentence when you read it! It is only a carpet company’s advertisement!”

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Samsung’s Swan Song

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Yesterday, your pet/baby/inanimate object could read your post. Today, they can write back. Write a post from their point of view (or just pick any non-verbal creature/object)- Daily Prompt

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I asked you to get me cyber fame,

But you went on to denigrate my name;

Thought I wouldn’t read your blog?

 Idiocy, your brain must clog,

Literate for a day, I read all you had to say.

 

Through your misuse, I am now battered,

My cell heart is now nearly shattered;

Take better care of me to have the charge last longer,

Or, get me a heart transplant with a battery stronger;

It won’t be free, you’ll need to dish out some cash.

 

I know you don’t have much left in your wallet,

It complains when we sit, squashed in your pocket;

About your phone credit, please stop moaning,

Use it wisely, and talk less when roaming;

And for chats with your neighbour, can’t you just walk next door?

 

Beautiful models would certainly entice you,

But bring one home and you’ll soon rue;

Their touch screens won’t like your rough finger stroke,

Texting won’t be easy, the way you poke,

And to use all their apps, you’ won’t have a clue.

 

You are better off with me if you keep me happy,

Stop dropping me on the hard floor, handle me gently;

Don’t sit on me or sleep on me, recharge and keep my energy high;

With a good clean, I would even be pleasing to the eye

And I do hope this is not the swan song of this Samsung!

 

Samsung concluded: “Whatever be the case, whether you stick with me or go after one of those other beauties, please be kind to your vocal chords. It isn’t that you have to shout ‘Hello’ and talk at the top of your voice to make the other person, your next door neighbour or someone overseas, hear you.”

Verses for the cell phone…

Literate for a Day

Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them? —Daily Prompt

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P felt his mobile phone vibrate and he picked it out of his pocket to see if he had any incoming messages. He jumped out of his skin when the phone shouted a loud “Hello…” at him.

P: Hello! …Who’s that?

Cell phone: It’s me, Samsung.

P: Is that you my old Samsung?  Are you talking to me? Can you hear me? What a surprise!

Cell phone: WordPress has given me the powers to read… just for today… Using those powers, I read the codes inside my body and acquired the technique of talking as well! You are always shouting ‘Hello… Hello’ at me. I thought I’d do that to you today so you’ll know what it feels like, having all the talk and Hellos shouted in your face in a loud voice.

P: Awwww! I’m sorry if I have been a nuisance. But it’s awesome that you can now communicate! Simply cool! So tell me why WordPress has made you literate?

Cell phone: The people at WordPress must have thought that it is high time that you appreciated my services to you. So come on, post something in praise of me! Let me get some cyber fame!

P: At your service my phone… Here’s my ode to you…

 

 

When out of credit, don’t cut my calls;New Picture (21)

You may think humans are just your thralls,

But let important talks be finished

Before you ask that funds be replenished;

Waiting for a minute or an hour even,

Your charms, for sure, will not lessen

If you are only not so monetarily driven!

 

Constant companion, in my pocket you travel,

Jeans or pants, no matter what the apparel;

You sleep by my side, plugged into a socket;

I’m only human and sometimes may forget

To charge your reserves, but it would be nice,

If you have a battery that never dies

And calls may not be missed by the device.

 

And when at times you do disappear

I’m thrown into panic, I hold you so dear;

I am so used to having you around,

To you I am now totally bound,

Connecting me with friends and all I love

While all over the globe I may rove;

Do cancel roaming charges, as goodwill it may behove.

 

Models of Motorola, Nokia and LG,

Modern and stunning, tried to allure me;

Faithfully so long, I stuck to my old Samsung,

Your praises will certainly not go unsung;

But I sometimes wish your keyboard was qwerty,

It would have helped my texting, I’m so quirky;

Also, a touch screen would have been perky.

 

I need more apps in you, to tell you the truth;

A nicer camera, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth

To take pictures and upload my Blog post,

For NaBloPoMo and prompts of the Daily Post;

Now ‘Selfies’, I learn, are the current rage

I’d like to take some and post on my Facebook page,

So if I get a new phone, please don’t take umbrage;

It would pain me terribly Samsung, if you now burst into a swan song…

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